Just in time for Halloween, here is your completely biased and non-professional list of horror movies! But these aren’t your typical Friday the 13th, Halloween, Halloween 13 ranked. These are the weird ones. And what’s even creepier than a horror movie? A weird horror movie. So dig in, feast up, and then try to forget you watched ’em, because these aren’t all good movies necessarily. Some of them are downright bad, and not in the good way 😉
I did include some of the class Halloween movies, just so you can have some ground for measuring. Friday the 13th, Halloween, etc. Those are good measuring sticks.
Are these all the ones I’ve ever seen? No, because I forget some sometimes. But… this is a list that I’ll keep adding to, and hopefully get all the ones I’ve ever seen (or will see in the future).
Also, I didn’t give a paragraph to every movie, because I’m lazy and I don’t like writing paragraphs. So I only did some!
Orphan: just watch it. It’s fantastic. another plot twist. ah man that was good
The Boy: Woah that was a good movie, I hate squeaky voices now, STAY OUTTA MY WALLS
Observance: one of the best ambiguous endings and an awesome plot
Zodiac: not a horror movie? I don’t care!, creepy, super long and super awesome, pre-Avengers unite!
Let Me In: Chloe Grace Moretz in a horror movie basically never fails, childhood love with fangs aw, glad they didn’t try french kissing
Sinister: fantastic movie, you all should’ve seen this by now, enough gore and scare for anywhere to… wear? (not rhyming now)
Conjuring 1/2: both great movies, never forget the Elvis song (right movie?), just barely overrated
The Others: what a freaking twist, fell asleep and missed half so had to watch it again, worth the re-watch
Friday the 13th: Jason’s mom has got it going on
Dead Silence: for a guy who isn’t afraid of dolls I HATED THESE DOLLS, ahhhh what a plot twist I love them twists, mysterious murders
I Am The Pretty Thing That Lives In The House: a great mystery movie, awesome plot, secrets and suspense, another STAY OUTTA MY WALLS
The Crazies: well… that wasn’t anything like the trailer, who said sheriffs aren’t like Batman?, wow that really wasn’t anything like the trailer, kind of like 2 different movies in one
13 Cameras: creepy stalker guy, a new take on “Peeping Tom,” solid movie with memorable moments
Halloween (Original): Why is Mike Myers an actor and Michael Myers a murderer?
What Lies Beneath: Harrison Ford and that’s all you need to know, actually a good movie though but I watched it because of him and you will too
Halloween (2018): That music though… Also, really like Michael Myers. Some dumb parts.
Insidious 1/2/3: good movies. 2nd ones the best, but all 3 together are good; not worth separating
Sinister 2: scary like the first one but not as much, worse death scenes, lazy ending
Amityville Horror (2005): Ryan Gosling fans listen up! Is that the right Ryan?, worthy (WHAT?) remake, run
Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning (2006): Matt Bomer, horrible gruesome stuff, oh god that would hurt
Carrie: another worthy remake, another Chloe Grace Moretz, another crazy teenager
Cabin In The Woods: a throwback to them LSD days, giant hands?, ouch force fields, basically everything, THOR!
The Ring: Nah. you all know this one already. not writing.
Annabelle: not as good as the others (this is a prequel to Conjuring), kinda dumb parts, creepy cat-faces abound
Unborn: never forget Eli, also a decent movie without his appearance but still
(All the bad Friday the 13th movies): yeah. one title is “Jason Takes Manhattan.” That’s all you need to know.
(All the bad Halloween movies): yeah. too many resurrections
The Town That Dreaded Sundown (2014): a bit too much gore, cool ending though, no need for this remake
Split: fine movie, overrated, nobody will remember in ten years, I hate horror-comedies Example #124
Taking of Deborah Logan: I’m not even sure what this is supposed to be, STOP EATING YOURSELF DEBORAH, ouch
VHS: no story, all gory (maybe I should’ve done this like a rhyming thing)
Krampus: ____
David Kummer 