I don’t remember which of you told me to watch this movie, but you will not be forgiven.

No, but seriously, this is… a movie. I can say that much for sure. So let’s get into this. Just how bad is this movie? Is it worth watching? Do I still enjoy pools? All that and more! Let’s keep this short, sweet, and sarcastic.

Good

So, good things.

There’s some nice cinematography at times in this film. Some cool camera tricks with the pool, for the most part. Feels like 80% of this movie takes place in the pool, so I was expecting some cool camera work, and this crew had a handful of tricks up their sleeve.

This movie has a little bit of realism, too. Some nice work building the setting and a few sweet family moments. I would tell you where these good moments are, but they’re so infrequent and spread out it’s honestly hard to remember.

Pool horror, I guess? That’s kind of new, sort of fresh. But honestly, the scenes away from the pool are the best parts of this movie. And, like I said, most of it takes place in the pool. So do the math on what my overall score is gonna be…

Bad

One, two, three, bombs away:

The beginning is somehow boring. It really shouldn’t be, but it had absolutely no hook. Impressively yawn-inducing. That’s how I’d describe the opening scene.

The opening is formulaic, which is okay, but the formula just keeps going and going. This is my main problem with Night Swim. It feels like a really cheap, predictable, nothing-burger of a horror movie. But I guess there’s a pool? It’s kind of like a terrible house but hey! Pool out back!

So many shots of people swimming. Everybody’s putting in the work, doing the laps.

So many repeated dialogue lines. If I have to hear one more person say, “It’s the water” or “the water chose him,” I’m going to lose it. I think I already have.

A couple times, this movie almost won me back. I found myself enjoying it. And then they would make the dumbest possible decision or throw in another “THE WATER CHOSE HIM” and lose me all over again. I don’t enjoy when movies play hard-to-get, and this movie isn’t pretty enough to chase after.

Overall

This movie is not good enough to warrant a cat tragedy. That’s all I’m saying.

Also, not a terrible premise, but it gets very old fairly quickly. More of a “throw on in the background and laugh with friends” kind of horror movie.

This movie could not end soon enough. I’m giving it a 4.4/10, because I’m being nice.